LOVE at the Arcade Part I
What real, actual women have to say about dating in pinball.
Y’all know about third spaces, right? No, we’re not talking about the time you got bronze in the local tourney and now bring it up to literally anyone who will listen. No, this is slightly less pathetic than that. At some point a couple of years ago, right around the pandemic, people started talking about third spaces. It’s a pretty simple idea. To have a “good” life, you need three areas to be a whole person. You live in your home, you work at a job, and then there are third spaces.
Third spaces are where you wanna hang out. It could be for a lot of reasons, and to be honest, arcades/bars with pinball fit a ton of the criteria for wanting to get out of the house. Drinks? Check. Fun and games? Double check. Other people? Well… yeah, I mean that’s not a huge bonus for me. I hate people. But like for y’all? I’m sure pinball is a great way for you to meet new people and hang out.
And with new people comes new friendship and new friendships can blossom into new relationships and new relationships mean one thing: L O V E. That’s right, put your IFPA calculator to the side, because this week, we’re talkin about the birds and bees. We went out and asked women: CAN YOU FIND LOVE AT THE ARCADE?
No, we couldn’t believe they’d talk to us either.
Alright, so let’s get into it. Pinball is a “sport” (I’m using this term EXTREMELY loosely) that has been historically dominated by broskis – but more recently women have been flooding into the sport. This could be for a lot of reasons, the formation of Belles and Chimes as an organizing body for women’s pinball, general loosening of attitudes toward gender rules in hobbies, and the really simple fact that PINBALL IS FUN AND WHY WOULDN’T WOMEN WANT TO DO IT?
That said, our readership is like, A LOTTA DUDES, so when I put out the call to some of our women readers for thoughts on sex, dating, and love in the arcade I wasn’t sure what the response would be. Welp, it turned out pretty awesome. We had over 3 dozen women respond to our questions.
Over the course of the next several weeks, we’ll be sharing their responses to our questions about love in the arcade. Can you find it? Are they looking? Who farted? There’s only one way to find the answers to these burning questions – and that is to just keep reading. First up, would you date someone you play pinball with? (Editor’s notes will always appear in italics)
Can you imagine dating someone you play pinball with?
Ah, arcades. They’re dark, gross, and smell like spilled drinks. The PERFECT spot for love, right? We like to think so. But does it actually happen? Well, it turns out that women aren’t just one homogenous group – they actually have different opinions on stuff, just like, get this, guys do. Insane right?
We surveyed, collated, and organized the data here so that you can get a better understanding of where women are coming from. Is this a pretty cis-gendered, hetero article? IDK man. It’s not trying to be – but that IS what I am, and that is what a lot of our readers are. If you feel like that’s biased – you’re probably right. Good job. Anyway, let’s get into it. LOVE.
We’re going to break these responses up into several different groups. The cool part? Everybody is right. Like, if there’s one thing we learned here is that each person is an individual and should be treated as such. When you start putting people in lil’ boxes that you already have figured out is usually when you get in trouble. Unless you’re in politics, and then it’s a pre-rec.
I’m thinkin’ ABSOLUTELY NOT
Some people just don’t really dig the idea of blowing big fatty kisses at their significant other as they tag team a league night. Here are the respondees that just WERE NOT into the idea of holding hands with you after a fast and furious game of The Getaway or whatever.
“Honestly? Probably not. Or a big fat maybe. This hobby has given me so many friendships, I wouldn’t want to ruin that or make things less fun or more uncomfortable. If I ever ended up single (big bummer if I did, I really like the guy), I would probably resort to dating in other pinball-adjacent hobbies and then bringing them in. Like, if you do travel pinball, you see the same people all over, maybe YOU SHOULD NOT FUCK THEM IF YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS AFTERWARDS”
‘A big fat maybe’ is a great way to describe the current climate of reality right now. Could we be about to enter a dog days of summer romance, or descend into absolute chaos as the fabric of society continues to unravel??? WHO KNOWS?!?!
“I had an ex who got into pinball with me. It was a fun date for a little bit but somehow he made it "his" thing and use to try and talk to me as if he introduced me to the hobby and I needed a guide. One time he got so angry that I beat him in a game he didn't talk to me until after dinner. After all that, I'm pretty happy my partner now isn’t into it.”
Yeah, that’s a bummer.
“I definitely have thought about this, and I don’t think I could. I go to a bunch of leagues and pinball is a huge thing I’m involved in. Do I wish my partner liked to play more, of course. But they don’t have to go with me to league or tournaments. At the end of the day I wouldn’t be searching for love at the arcade.”
Just the wistful end to this one. Disassociating while staring at the giant ice cube in a glass.
Maybe, Baybee
These folks don’t see it as black and white – probably because it isn’t. Sometimes finding someone at the arcade is a good fit… and sometimes it really, really isn’t. Here’s why they’re MAYBE into meeting “the one” while smoking the ramps on T2 all night long.
“Yes. But I've made the mistake by having more than one ex that's very much involved in pinball. You want to keep your happy place free of bullshit and drama, so choose wisely. I'm not saying close the door to potentially a great match, I currently play pinball with my boyfriend. But he's not in leagues and not super involved. So should anything ever happen, I'd still likely have a drama-free happy place.”
As the saying goes, don’t shit where you eat, which is the exact opposite of how my bathroom works. One shower sandwich coming up, extra sloppy.
“I play pinball with a lot of people, and support the date/play pool. It’s a great bonding experience, didn’t dr Phil say him and his wife play and it’s healthy competition?”
Dr. Phil is gonna go to jail for something. I’m not sure what yet, but I just feel it coming.
“I guess yes and no. Personally, I like to keep my hobbies separate from my dating life. For me, it’s nice to have my own thing. I also I want someone who is supportive and cheering me on.
But when you’re deep in pinball on a competitive level it can really affect your schedule and available free time. You also see the same people over and over again and form relationships and friendships without actively trying. I guess if you’re able to balance that and you meet someone you connect with then that’s pretty cool. Just be ready to accept that if things go south, and you want to continue to enjoy this hobby, you gotta try to keep things cool.”
It’s true. You gotta try to keep things cool.
“I personally don’t as of right now but that could always change. I’ve seen things get messy and I usually try not to make things complicated where I play.”
The mess is real. For some people, the mess is actually a feature, not a defect.
“I feel like it could happen! In my case, I found a regular spot and a love for pinball and I started bringing my partner with me in hopes of sharing a hobby! Now they love to play pinball with me, on their own, or with friends!”
Hope springs eternal.
“No one specific in mind, but sure, why not?”
I do have to admire the French lassiez-faire attitude towards this whole thing. Like, sure, whatever? Why not? Life will do what it will.
“Yes, absolutely. But it's definitely a risk because things can go south and that might muddle things within friend groups and pinball events. But worse things have happened. If you're feeling someone then it's worth a try because having a partner in pinball and life would be totally rad.”
In (y)our dreams
These folks definitely believe in finding love in the arcade – just not with any of the goofballs they’ve met so far. Can’t say I blame them. While love might still be a pipe dream for them, they’re not opposed to the idea of finding love by the light of an Aurek alternate translite for The Shadow, even if the Alec Baldwin one is obviously vastly superior.
“Yes I can imagine!!”
I still can’t tell if this one is hopeful or sad, or both.
“Yes. I will say the roster of actually dateable people can seem dismal, but I’m a solid believer that there is a rubber for every flipper. I’m marrying a person I met at the pinball bar. It’s magic all the time, and I have a forever flipping partner all because I asked him if he wanted to come over and watch the 1990 ultra-classic, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, after league. My game is top tier.”
OK this just feels like bragging
“I think love can come from anywhere, and if pinball is a part of your life, I don’t see why things can’t grow from there. Just don’t make it awkward and be a dick about stuff!”
Seems like good advice in general.
“Sure, I know plenty of people who date with the pinball community. I probably won’t, but I would.”
This one is kinda hard to parse. It’s like — will they? Won’t they? This instantly became my favorite hospital based, romantic dramedy on NBC coming Fall of 2024.
“The only caveat is if both people are really competitive, the need to be a ‘pinball star’ can cannibalise the relationship from the go. As long as your egos won’t clash, then I say you’re green to go!”
Sure, what the hell?
The good news for poets and romantics? It seems like most folks are actually pretty open to the idea of finding a romantic partner at the arcade. After all, it makes sense. A lot of people want someone who they can share time, hobbies, and sex with. While we wouldn’t recommend doing it at the arcade (or even sucking face), many of these folks were down with the idea in general. Just not specifically.
“If I wasn’t happily married, absolutely. I’m pretty easy, if you’re hot.”
Nice.
“Absolutely! League especially is a great environment to stir the pot and mingle, and casual fun events like a split-flip tournament or playing stall ball can open the doors to a bunch of pinball fun with someone new.”
This is a good and reasonable take.
“Yes, but I’m a rare type of possum though. Like I said, I’m not easily approached”
Just hold a shiny thing in your hand and walk forward slowly, I guess?
“I could definitely date someone I play pinball with. Ha I’ve dated a couple players in the past. It would have to be someone that I trust and have played a few tournaments with first. Just to make sure they aren’t the person that flips out over the little things in pinball: ie stuck balls or a broken game. Or the person that yells at a TD for a ruling. I think the key, for myself, in dating a fellow pinball player is they have to remember to have fun. I’m very competitive, but if you’re not having fun what’s the point?”
“Yep! Pretty much everyone I’ve dated has ended up playing in league or tournaments with me and even traveling for events and such too! It’s great when two people enjoy the same hobby!”
True, it’s just kinda up to how ok you are with the mess.
“I'm very open to dating someone I play pinball with. Someone who understands the obsessive nature of the hobby. Someone to travel to major events with. Someone to share knowledge and hone skills with. And most importantly, someone to split the costs of new machines with!”
This is the most cogent argument for a romantic partner of all time.
“That’s kinda the dream, no? I’m competitive as hell though, so I’d want my partner to be into it, too”
In it to win it. No days off.
“Of course! Having someone else around to compete and skill build with would be amazing! I’m tired of watching the light drain from mens’ eyes on a first Hinge date when I start talking about pinball and how often I play. However, is there anyone in my immediate pinball circle who I would consider? No. Strangely, eligible single pinball players are hard to come by.”
I feel like eligible is the most important word of that last sentence. ELIGIBLE single pinball players. Unlike the people it is talking about, it’s doing a lot of work. IFYAKNOWWHATIMEAN??!?!
“yes. it’s always some level of incestuous, but very fun while it lasts!”
You know I had to use that picture.
“Absolutely! Need to know the person first, see how they play and if they can handle my level of play. Definitely do not flirt w me if you're aggro, raging, crass , etc. Mind yourself. Be an adult. Discretion is key. If you fuck around or date, it's your business not the entire scenes. Be emotionally mature enough to walk past that person after it's over say hi and keep things friendly. Deal w your feelings, don't project that shit. We're all doing our best, sometimes things don't work out. On to bigger and better things. Move forward, don't bring it to league or a tournie.”
Emotional maturity def not always a strong point of people who collect giant multi thousand dollar toys for a hobby — or hang out at bars a lot. But hey! Hope springs eternal.
“Well in fact my love life is deeply entangled in pinball. Our first time hanging out he invited me over to play pinball. But the part he doesn’t remember…. My ex was also there. If that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know…”
This is one of the ones where I wish we had more context because the subtext is fun as hell.
“Absolutely! My husband got me into pinball when we first met and we play together competitively and just for fun now! He is super supportive and I think it’s so cool we both have the same hobby!”
There you have it. Have we learned anything? Great question. Thanks, me. Umm, it seems like every situation is unique to the people involved. Depending on your situation, you might find love at the arcade, OR you might die alone. But hey, even if it’s the second option, at least you’ll be surrounded by pinball machines. That’s not too bad. As long as it isn’t bonebusters.
