Pinball: Should it be harder?

Let’s just get this out of the way. This isn’t an original idea. I was listening to the most recent ep of Bro, Do you Even Talk Pinball with the Buffalo pinball guys, but damn was I inspired. Sidenote: If y’all don’t listen to them or watch the stream, it’s some of the better pinball discourse out there. Kevin and Nick are on the young-ish side of the hobby, but they’ve been around long enough to have seen a lot more than most of us yutzes in pinball media. My only complaint is that they do their podcast once a month. ONCE A MONTH. Sheesh, y’all need to just take a multivitamin and get it together. 

Nick had the idea that games these days are too easy. And by that, I believe what he’s implaying is that too many modern games are long-player flow beasts. I think you can probably infer what a long-playing game would mean, but it’s exactly what it sounds like: a game where it takes a LONG time for the ball to drain. 

Great examples of this are Godzilla, Foo Fighters, basically any modern Stern besides Brian Eddy games. And there’s a reason why that’s true: those kinda games are SUPER fun to play. Philosophically, it’s cool to hit ramps and set up 5 shot combos and have the ball flowing around like you’re in the Matrix. It’s also fun to have safe returns from ramps that keep the ball under control. It makes sense! But also: it makes games play LONG.

What do we mean by “make games harder”?

Look, before we get a bunch of hate mail from Elwin lovers – WE LOVE ELWIN TOO. This article isn’t about getting rid of what we have, it’s about giving us a more diverse set of games. 

Nick’s original take is a good one: one out of every three Stern releases should be a “hard” game. In this case, we mean a short player that is still fun as hell. Think Iron Man, Big Guns, or any game made before Spiderman. There are a FEW modern games that get this aesthetic right: TNA is a WAY short player. Almost intimidatingly so. Pulp Fiction is definitely in this category too, which makes sense since one of the original ballbusters, Mark Ritchie, is behind the design. But for for the most part these days, it’s flow or nothin’.

Harder shooters, simpler code?

Like I said, I’m a mediocre pinball player. I’m not saying that I can get to the end of every modern pinball game with ease. But it’s not the shots that are hard, it’s the grueling amount of grind it takes to get there. 

I’m reasonably good at Jurassic Park. I’ve scored over a billion a few times. But I know I’ll never get to Escape from Nublar or whatever the hell is the “real” ending. It’s just too far into the code for me to ever really get there. It’s simply because I don’t have the skill to chain together a bajillion shots. And that makes it forever out of my reach. 

If we had harder games, maybe we could make the ultimate goals easier to reach. I know y’all are tired of hearing about Torpedo Alley, but getting the ultimate jackpot is enough of a to-do that it doesn’t happen every game. When it DOES happen, it feels like a moment. That said, it’s a reachable moment. Unlike Jurassic Park, I can see what happen when I sink that sucker (a lot of noise and a light show along to an absolute BANGER of a 1988 jam from David Thiel.)

Long players suck in a group setting

Three’s a crowd

Here’s the thing, even my mediocre games take a long time. It’s what makes many of these moderns unplayable when you’re in a multiplayer situation. You get one player that really knows the game, and it’s going to take forever to get back to your turn. (Shoutout to JP for an absolutely OBNOXIOUS 1.7 billion on Deadpool while I sat shotgun). That sucks. It makes people of different skill levels not wanna play each other. Does this happen every time? No, not with the doinks I play with — but it happens often enough that I have been noticing it. And I don’t like it.

Just like passing a joint, I want to know that if I drain early, it’s coming back to me real quick. There’s nothing worse than getting frozen out by a good player. Everyone just sits there, swishing around the last sip of beer in their mouth, stuck in a liminal state where they can’t go get another drink because who knows when the ball is gonna drain? I hate living like that. I WON’T live like that. Let’s make shorter games.

That’s not just true for games I’m playing in. It’s also true for games I watch. 

Competitive pinball would be more fun to watch

Part of my dream for a better pinball future is having competitive pinball be something REAL. Sue me, but I think it’s more compelling to watch than lots of shit. I mean, look at golf. You like watching golf? Yeah OK. That said, pinball tournaments can be LONG, doubly so when they add newer games into the mix.

That’s why I love watching classics tournaments. Part of the thing that makes those games so watchable is that scoring is easy to understand, and the games go fast. Even great players don’t last too long on a lot of those older games. They’re brutal, but when Esher or Jason Zahler or Dalton or whoever gets on a roll and starts ripping spinners, it’s frickin’ gnarly. You feel the pinball high. That and the ball is never going for longer than like 3-5 minutes before it drains. Perfect.  

And before you say: WELL JUST PLAY CLASSICS THEN. OK, sure – but wouldn’t it be cool to have a bunch of updated games in the STYLE of classics, with like, real music and lights and stuff? In fact, making simpler, brutal games might allow for MORE integration of light shows and music. This is sort of what’s happening with Pulp Fiction right now. That’s another example of a modern hard player. I’d love to see what a brutal John Wick game looks like. You know?

This is an opportunity for smaller pinball manufacturers

Live look at me trying my absolute hardest to remember what I’m supposed to do on Rush, so Raymond will be proud of me.

If we’re real, it’s not smart for Stern to ever do this. They make a really dope kinda game and have their design teams and production ready to make ‘em. They’re deep, they’re fun, and they flow like nobody else. That makes sense for them. 

But if you’re one of the smaller manufacturers, why not take a chance on one of these designs? Part of the joy of these sorts of pins means that you’ll probably have less mechs and ramps – feels like an opportunity to me. Give ‘em a shot. Make a real ball buster and sell it for 4k. Let’s get crazy, you beautiful bastards!