Cocaine Cats & Pinball Sex: Part II of The Unauthorized Hagiography of Python Anghelo
By Joe Ciaravino
There is no doubt in my mind that the late, great Python Anghelo was an eccentric genius who earnestly believed that pinball was a genuine American art form. His work advanced the scope of what a pinball game could be, and he always believed that pinball would continue to be relevant to every new generation. He had a photographic memory and an artistic talent that was only matched in its attention to anatomical detail by the great Renaissance masters. All this mixed together with the surreal imagination of Salvador Dali.
However. And I say the following with the deepest respect and admiration: Python Anghelo was also a boozing, drug-addled, egomaniacal, degenerate sex fiend! There is absolutely no way anyone in this day and age would ever hire a man like him to make games for children!
Part II has us joining this goofball as he gets to work with some of the biggest names in the pinball industry at the time, including Mark Ritchie and John Trudeau (Who has since been brought to justice as a monster and sex criminal — just fyi) .
Big Guns: A Game About Big Guns
After the ridiculous success of Pinbot, Python’s next game for Williams was Big Guns. To put it bluntly, this was a game born of manic madness. Python and his collaborator, Mark Ritchie, went on a creative tear together and created the layout of the game in two days. The theme they settled on was a quasi-techno futuristic Medieval siege game. You know, as one does.
Python applied his talent for drawing hundreds of army dudes, which the player would look down from up on high, as two armies waged war over a captive Queen held hostage by a Tyrannical King. No actual information on the exact amount of cocaine involved during this 48 hour brain-storming marathon session exists, but let’s just assume it was probably enough to kill a donkey!
For Big Guns, Mark would employ one of his signature mechanical design features: catapults that fired the pinball up-playfield. For his part, Python was able to apply his romanticized homage to early pinball history by incorporating a mini-bagatelle game in the backbox. In fact, the mechanical space needed to accommodate the mini-bagatelle feature forced them to make the backbox 4 inches taller than what was standard for a Williams cabinet. The larger backbox design made the method of how they stacked into shipping containers a logistical nightmare for Williams shipping dept. Big Guns was a mild success on location – mostly because it stood out from all the other standard-sized games in a lineup.
If it feels like the Big Guns theme might not play as well today, know that Python never had a problem with it. Python himself was an avid firearms collector and gun enthusiast. He had built a shooting range on his property where he set up a life-size body target of Osama Bin Laden which was nude from the waist down and holding a bomb in one hand and The Qur'an in the other. Apparently, it was very popular amongst the local police and fire marshals who visited just to shoot Osama in the crotch.
The Sequel to Comet: Cyclone!
Python wished to return to the carnival for his next pinball machine, once again teaming up with Barry Oursler to create their follow-up game to Comet. In early 1988, they released Cyclone, which was yet again named after a roller coaster. In many ways, Cyclone was simply an improvement on the first machine, Comet, by incorporating a unique skill shot feature, a second ramp, a Farris wheel, and a scoop that activated a rotating “Mystery Wheel” feature on the backglass.
"We have to keep pinball in mind as a great kinetic theatre; a miniature amusement park of our fantasies and the child in every one of us." said Python in an interview. Was he on drugs? Who can say?
That said, Cyclone was an even bigger hit than Comet, selling a thousand units more than its predecessor. This game became notorious for its backglass artwork, which features the then-presidential couple of Ronald and Nancy Reagan riding in the very front seats of the Cyclone. Python rendered “The Gipper” with his mouth agape in bewildered excitement and holding the presidential pooch, Rex with his little paws raised to cover his eyes. Sitting beside them, is Nancy with an expression frozen in a much calmer demeanor, waving obliviously to the crowds below and wearing a red T-shirt that reads “SAY NO TO DRUGS.”
This may or may not have been more than just a touch ironic, considering Python’s “self-medicating” proclivities. It would also mark the beginning of Python’s not-so subtle political imagery that would slowly begin to creep into a few of his future games.
Taxi: Python tackles Geopolitical satire
For his next game, Taxi, Python also prominently included a major political figure, Mikhail Gorbachev, the then-current leader of the Soviet Union. Gorbie’s appearance in the game is based on Python’s premise that the KGB lost track of him during a shopping spree in the big city. Python originally intended for the spiritual leader of Iran, Ayatollah Khomeini, to be portrayed as the titular taxi driver because he felt there were a lot of Iranian taxi drivers in Chicago at the time. Williams management reacted the same way you probably are right now. They said this sounds like a terrible idea.
Python eventually gave into management’s pleas to change the driver and instead based it on a portrait of himself as a young Vietnam veteran. In line with Python’s morbid sense of humor, the central bank of three drop targets needed to light Marilyn (later renamed “Lola” due to worries of copyright infringement) was intended to depict the faces of each of the three Kennedy brothers.
"You shot them down to get Marilyn,” Python said.
As expected, this idea was also IMMEDIATELY KIBOSHED when management found out what Python was planning. One thing that DID make the cut: Python’s unique whirlpool skill-shot design. Bally Williams had another legitimate hit by the duo of Mark Ritchie and Python Anghelo. They were back, BABY. CUE EIGHTIES FUNK.
Jokerz: Stereo Sound… and not much else
Python began to develop the concept for his next game, Jokerz! with Barry Oursler. This was Williams’ first game featuring stereo sound. In a money-saving move, Barry and Python recycled the motorized backglass wheel mechanism from Cyclone to show the King’s hand, which the player had to try to beat. Python’s concept for the game was meant to be a much more subtle satire of how the capricious whims and careless, selfish power wielded by world leaders who hold sway over the destiny of the general population.
In the world of Jokerz! The life and death of all their tiny subjects are but a mere parlor game for the giant King and Queen. I’m not sure if that message really came through more than it just being a silly card game theme, but whatever. Artist John Youssi worked on the backglass, while Python focused on the cabinet and playfield art. Python rendered the playfield once again by employing his birds’-eye-view of a kingdom peppered with mischievous little joker peasants goofing off all over the place while the rotund, Santa-esque King played poker with his buxom young Queen. It was a mild success.
Police Force: Batman without Batman
In August of 1989, Barry Oursler, Python and Mark Ritchie were really clicking by now, so the next game would feature all three of them together. No way it could be bad right? Well… the result was Police Force. That said, the game was probably DOA thanks to licensing issues. In the early development stages, Police Force was actually supposed to be a licensed theme: that Summer’s box office smash hit, Batman!
It marked the first time Python would be working from someone else’s idea and had already drawn up a basic playfield sketch including a Batcave, the Joker and a toy Batmobile mechanism. But Williams had not finalized negotiations with Warner Bros and unfortunately, Joe Kaminkow, who was now working for Data East swept in, pulled the rug out from under their feet and locked down the Batman movie license for his own game.
Python said, "Without a theme a pinball game is a wet dream."
So as a backup, Python quickly developed the idea of a fantasy world of animal cops who busted animal criminals in the “Urban Jungle.” Yeah, we dunno either. The layout of the backglass art was intentionally referential to the composition of High Speed, with the player’s perspective seated behind two anthropomorphic animal police officers looking through the windshield and firing their massive guns at a coked up, machinegun toting shark and crocodile robbing a bank while a drug smuggling rat slips down a sewer grate and a sly weasel tries to sneak out of a storefront with some stolen jewelry. PHEW
In the far background, one can see the stretched limousine Taxi cab from Python’s previous game and a tiny snail crossing the street (Python was always fascinated with the golden ratio!) so snails became his personal version of a Brian Eddy “cow” Easter Egg. That’s about all we can say positively about Police Force TBH.
Bad Cats
In the Fall of 1989, Python had moved into a new home situated behind the Williams factory in what is still regarded as one of the sketchier neighbourhoods of Chicago. He was inspired to create the treatment for his next game, Bad Cats based on his…backyard? A neighbor on one side of Python’s house had two vicious dogs, and his neighbor on the other side had dozens of stray, feral cats wandering about and they all would wage war in Python’s backyard constantly.
Python sat and observed the chaotic feline hi-jinx from his patio window and used what he saw to craft a whole world for Bad Cats. That’s the kinda guy he was. In a world where everything has to have a licensed theme, back in the day Python could see a couple of cats getting into it and think, “that’d make a good pinball machine.”
Like many of his games, Bad Cats serves as a canvas for the man to unburden himself. Written on the wall back of the garage in the center of the backglass is one of Python’s all-time favorite quotes: “There are crazy cats and there are copy cats!” There’s a self-portrait of Python located in the bottom right corner of the backglass; his head is attached to the top of a long snake, which has the words “Pinball Python” written along its coiled body and a flipper and pinball at the end of its tail.
Then there are the more, uh, idiosyncratic aspects of Python’s personality that shine through. The woman with the broom in her hand and blue butterfly on her butt cheek featured in the middle of the backglass of Bad Cats represented Python’s "future ex-wife" and the mechanism which animated her to bend over and “beat her pussy” (PYTHON’S WORDS.) This was inspired by Wayne Nyens’ Gottlieb game from 1965, titled Buckaroo. Even so, Python wasn’t proud of his work.
"Bad Cats was a joke." Python lamented. “Bad Cats and Bugs Bunny are my yes-boy, kiss-ass (games)”.
When Python died, his personal copy of Bad cast had an insert card on which he named each of the cats portrayed on the backglass. One cat in particular had a dubious real-life backstory. Python claimed to have adopted a strung-out cat from his drug-dealing neighbor who had frequently given the cat sniffs of cocaine, hence Python named the cat “Kilo”.
Despite being a commercial failure, Bad Cats is still loved by collectors and players because of its quirky theme, earworm music, and call-outs. The forever iconic chorus of cats going “Meow, meow-meow-meow!” whenever you shoot the central ramp. Seriously, this will never leave your head once you hear it.
Bugs Bunny’s Birthday Bash: Python + John Trudeau
Python began his first collaboration with John Trudeau on Bugs Bunny’s Birthday Ball, released under the Bally brand of Bally WIlliams. Python claimed to have been given only 3 months by management to design the game from concept to final build. The short window due to the simple fact that the factory workers were running out of games to assemble and needed something to keep the line moving in the ramp-up to Addam’s Family.
Now let’s talk about the unsaid thing, but that we need to say: For the record, I am convinced that Python nor anyone else who worked closely with John Trudeau over the years knew just how awful and despicable a child-abuser he actually was in his personal life. Of course, we can’t be certain, but there’s been no indication that he did.
Python admitted disappointment in the final product and felt embarrassed that despite their best efforts, he had allowed something so half-baked to go to market. BBBB was not well received by casual or hardcore pinball players and only sold 2,500 units overall. Python explained the tepid response with his own zen wisdom, “It depends what we have in our hearts… either The Force is with you, or it’s not.”
Bride of Pinbot: The Comeback
Python needed a hit, and for that he returned to familiar territory. The follow-up to Pin*Bot, which he called The Machine: Bride of Pin*Bot, was a sly nod to The Bride of Frankenstein. Once again, Python kicked off the development process with a poem, you know as one does.
ODE TO A PINBALL MACHINE
BY PYTHON
YOU PLUG HER IN
AND TURN HER ON;
YOU PUSH HER BUTTONS
THE RIGHT WAY
YOUR BALLS WILL FLY
UP CURVY RAMPS,
HER HEAD WILL SPIN,
SHE’LL SCREAM SHE’LL MOAN
THE SCORING WILL BE HIGH!
I mean, no one is accusing him of being Shakespeare, but you get the general idea. The dream of not only controlling a machine, but sexualizing it, and giving it the gift of life itself became the logical next step in the Pin*Bot saga for Python.
“I wish I could do that to a woman. That would be the perfect woman; that's why The Machine." It’s really not hard to figure out what Python found sexy. His sexual preferences are plastered all over the freakin backglass art. Women with large doe-eyes, thick, puffy lips, giant pointy breasts, and long, slender arms and legs.
The intensity of this pinball horniness, just…
Let’s be real. It’s hard to imagine a manufacturer allowing this to happen today. Python was lost in the sauce on this one. He would romantically refer to his sex-bot/pinball hybrid creation as "My girlfriend, the love of my life, The Machine." Adding, "A good pinball machine is like a good woman."
Python would regularly describe all pinball machines that had a similar allure and sex appeal as being "Visualicious.” This is perhaps the most disgusting word I’ve ever heard in my life, and I’ve heard like every disgusting word there is – ed.
This whole game is basically a series of misogynistic pinball moments. It’s enough to make modern-day pinballers cringe. When the player locks a ball by shooting up a ramp onto the Bride’s face, it lands into the sexually suggestive circular-shaped gap between her lips.
The Bride proclaims “I can speak!”
Pin*Bot despairingly replies “Oh-no.”
Amidst several moans, giggles, and sighs that the Bride makes, the player works toward a literal climax which transforms the Bride into a human being “My God, she’s alive!”
Ultimately this culminates with the bride erupting in operatic, orgasmic ecstasy and the player is given a chance to join “The Billionaire’s Club” by making the first billion jackpot shot in pinball history.
Despite the game’s overt appeal to male heteronormative sexual fantasy, I think it would be fair to say that some contemporary feminists in the pinball community have reclaimed the game. It has since become something of a parody of cisgender male sexual obsessiveness and fetishization of things mechanical and, dare I say, even an empowering icon for female pinballers.
And either way: The game did fuckin’ numbers. It went over exceptionally well in the arcade with over 8,000 games sold. Python was on the top of the world, churning out games for one of the greatest pinball companies to ever exist.
What could go wrong?
