Ask Iggy Volume 2
NUDGE is a pinball lifestyle magazine — but what does that mean? OH A ‘LIFESTYLE’, NUDGE? Real cool. You guys think you’re dictating a lifestyle to your adoring public? Just a mass of fucking humanity who will blindly follow anything you do, like Kanye or Hugh Hefner or Oprah?
First off, no obviously not. Pretty much anyone who has ever contacted me has absolutely fuckin’ hated this website. That includes a certain Detroit facebook pinball league that didn’t take too kindly to our 7 People You Meet in Pinball Hell. I get it. Honestly, isn’t that part of the charm? That we aren’t for everyone?
But second off: fuck yeah this is a lifestyle, baby. Look — everything in the world is absolute horseshit right now. Do I understand any of it? Do I just sort of nod along with bad conversations I get trapped in at parties and just say oh yes, inflation and post-capitalism and the gig economy and whatnot.? Yes, of course I do. But do I understand it? Absolutely not.
What DO I understand? It’s fun to get moderately buzzed, hang out w weirdos, and flip some pin, ya know? That’s easy. But even pinball can get complicated sometimes. Rising prices, arcade drama, Hell, even emotional turmoil at home can lead to pinball taking a backseat. In times of crisis, it can be invaluable to get the advice of someone you trust.
WHO IS IGGY?
Iggy is a wealthy and self-described “prominent” pinball hobbyist who contacted us through some seedy fuckin backwater channels (def not pinside). He’s chosen to remain anonymous, but here’s what we can tell you from our brief rendezvous with him under the low lights of the Hai Hai bar in Northeast Minneapolis. He smells good, he’s got a face with character. He picked up the check and showed me a pic of his basement which was full of absolute banger pins. We’re talking the good stuff. Did he take us back there? Absolutely not.
Honestly, that’s enough for us. We’re easily bought.
These days its hard to track iggy down. He keeps sending us scrawled letters on the back of receipts from 5 Guys. I’m not sure if that means he’s doing well or poorly, but it seems like he’s still lucid. To be honest, for a while we thought he might be dead or kidnapped, either by pirates, enemies, or someone who really really didn’t like his take on Orbitor 1 last time.
Imagine our surprise when we logged in last night to come back to not ONE, but TWO classic iggy letters. Enjoy ya goofenbachers.
Ask Iggy
THESE ARE REAL LETTERS FROM REAL NUDGE READERS. ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE A WASTE OF EVERYONE’S PRECIOUS TIME
Finally a family even more dysfunctional than the Munsters
Dear Iggy,
I have a second family. I don't need you to judge me, I need you to listen. This is all one big accident. It's not the torrid romance you'd imagine, I just needed a second place to house my games. This was the heyday of the Obama white house, past the recession -- but still in the halcyon days of pinball prices. Eventually, I found the perfect whirlwind but my basement was full. Then came the second apartment. The second marriage, and now three beautiful second family children. The other day my husband (original) asked where that whirlwind went. I think things are beginning to unravel. What do I do?
Sincerely,
Second Family Randi
Dear Second Family Randi,
Run. Pinball is sacred. Like not in a family sort of way as you are so keenly aware. You clearly have a knack for starting families. Start a third family, maybe without kids, who know nothing of this faux pas. Look forward to the precious time you’ll have with your collection. Keeping up with two families seriously cuts into your playing time. Amirite?
Think of the people you’re leaving behind. They want you to be happy, right? Playing pinball makes you happy, right? Lying to them makes you sad, right? When they find out you’ve been lying they’ll be sad, right? So stop lying and run away to play pinball. Win-win. Everyone is happy or at least less sad.
Plus, if this whole thing does unravel, they’ll probably want to take away your machines so best to slide out in the night now. You’ve destroyed all trust and credibility in the eyes of your partners and children so, frankly, they’re better off without you.
Pinball prices are crazy. Should we keep talking about them? *Extreme Jim Carey in Liar Liar voice* I HOLD MYSELF IN CONTEMPT
Dear Iggy,
You seem like a worldly guy, I think maybe I'm just looking for some perspective here. It feels like pinball prices are out of control. Stuff that was selling for just $1800 a few years ago now goes for $4500 routinely on pinside. Not even nice stuff! Like I'm talking Popeye and whatnot.
That said, there are bigger issues in the world. Seems like Ukraine is about to become a smudge on the map, and the rich just keep getting richer. Here's the problem: mostly I just care about the pinball prices. Do you have any way for me to keep this in perspective? Or should I just continue to complain about what I know?
Sincerely,
Spinach Hater
Dear Spinach Hater,
Sure pinball machine prices have gone up. What hasn’t? Gas? Sure. Lumber. You bet. Groceries. Don’t get me started.
Hear me out. The supply issues simply mean corporations reduced their workforce and made stock buybacks instead of paying their workers and producing products. They line their pockets and give us less for more all the while blaming one stuck boat in Panama or a pandemic our government has tried to will away even though hundreds, sometimes thousands of people are dying daily.
Way too many Americans think they’ll be rich someday, which is why they hate the idea of taxing rich people. Truth is they’ll never be billionaires, not even millionaires, unlike me. They’ll likely die buried in debt after toiling decades for a company that replaces them within a day without thought. Regardless, this mentality has two purposes:
1) They think rich people deserve to be assholes.
2) They think the way to get rich is to be an asshole.
Hence the asshole markup on your Popeye game.
The truth is supply chain issues can’t affect used pinball machines. They’re already built, bought, and delivered. Maybe the demand for them has gone up during the pandemic, but not enough to justify over 100% markups.
In the end, shit sucks, and the rich keep fucking us. Best have some joy in your life, if you want the Popeye machine go for it. Negotiate that price down. The seller is being a selfish dick. We’re all in the same sinking pinball boat, with the same pinball addiction so let’s not gouge each other.
(editor’s note: There’s no way you’ll be able to negotiate a price down (even on a Popeye). That said, do your damndest to treat each other well, folks. Remember, it’s only a matter of time before all these older pinball folks die and we’re flooded with a sea of amazing WPC games. We’ll be RICH! RICH BEYOND OUR WILDEST DREAMS I TELL YOU. *Starts Salivating UNCONTROLLABLY* Anywho, see y’all soon)
Do you have a letter for ask iggy? send us a shout at nudgepinballmagazine@gmail.com
We’ll make sure he gets it. Even if it has to be sent to a satellite phone on a tiny island in international waters.
