Stuff You Can Do BEFORE Complaining About Crazy Pinball Prices Again
EVERYONE hates how much it costs to buy a pinball machine right now. EVERYONE. Across the board. Distributors, buyers, sellers, whatevs. You’re not unique if you have this opinion. In fact, you’re probably the most generic pinball personality type of all. But wait! Don’t stop reading, there’s hope. You’ve got one more gleaming chance to become a human being.
Don’t you want to give up that rage? Don’t you want to get back into the joyousness of pinball? Don’t you want to feel the stale air of a whirlwind fan blowing through your increasingly thinning hair? Don’t you want to FEEL ALIVE?
We know you do. That’s why we’re here. Here are things you can do BEFORE you embarrass yourself and look like an ass by complaining about pinball prices for the mazillionth time.
Play pinball
I’ll be real with you: this is my answer to most things. Bad day at work? Pinball. Tinder date ghosted? Pinball. Saw a dog eating its own poop? Yeah, go play some pinball. I mean, try and get the dog away from the poop first -- but yeah, eventually start playing pinball. You know, to wash that taste out of your eyes.
Point being: pinball is a cleanser. It’s a way to zone out. I used to shoot free throws all the time for the same reason. I don’t know about y’all -- but after I get done with work, the last thing I want to do is think. I want to melt into a pinball machine with the help of a couple of Modelos and pharmaceutical-grade marijuana.
Tournament players might feel differently. I get it. Tournaments and league nights are the cocaine bumps of the pinball world. It’s exciting, it’s dirty, it’s primal. As someone who loves to talk shit, I definitely see the appeal. But I gotta admit, for me, pinball isn’t about what the other person is doing. It’s not about their balls, it’s about my balls. That came out wrong. You get the idea. It’s about playing for myself. I almost said playing with myself. What is wrong with me? Look, just forget I said any of that stuff. Feeling bad about how much a pinball machine costs? Go find a pinball machine and play it for a literal dollar -- or two for three. You’ll feel better.
Get drunk (unless you’re an alcoholic, H’DOIII)
Hey man, people have been gettin’ schwasted since forever. I’d look up how the first caveman fermented a berry, but I’m gonna be honest and say I have a little buzz on right now so I don’t wanna! Sure, a cold one or seven hurts your critical thinking skills, but damned if it isn’t a great way to forget about your problems. They call them the classics for a reason.
Go to a bar, see any happy people there? EXACTLY. They’re all happy. All of them. I mean, maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not even later that night -- but hell, I gotta solve all your problems forever? Point being, if you’re really upset about pinball -- maybe just drink? I dunno, kinda just spitballing here. I reserve the right to go back on this one.
YEAH RIGHT, FUCK THAT. PINBALL PARTY FOREVERRRRRR. As our buddy Kramer so eloquently put it, “Here’s to feeling good all the time.”
Realize like 90% of the world doesn’t own a pinball machine
It’s not what you think, they had to mismatch the carpet because of a murder.
Y’all know Kaneda, the ne’er do well bad boy of pinball podcasting? If not, he’s this provocateur who gets himself into luke-warm water over “strong” takes like “Spooky Pinball messed up with Halloween!” or blasting a distributor list on his channel and saying “PINBALL IS TOO EXPENSIVE.”
I get that most of Kaneda’s schtick is kinda like a Real Housewives of New Jersey thing. Manufactured drama. He’s gotta play up that whole angsty lil’ guy thing for his audience, but his trajectory the last few weeks on his Facebook Live has been high comedy. Honestly, each ep was another step along his stages of grief over the booming pinball market. It ended with Kaneda tearfully returning to Jack Bar, a dope-ass pinball spot and talking himself into the idea that this was how pinball is meant to be played.
I mean, he’s not wrong. NO SHIT KANEDA, THAT IS EXACTLY HOW PINBALL SHOULD BE PLAYED. Get high, get buzzed, take an awkward uber ride down to the local hole and get some games in with your buds. That’s why we call it a lifestyle, baby.
I will say it was funny to see that basement guy mentality being shed before mine eyes. Kaneda, the saul of tarsus, having a spiritual awakening to on location pinball. Good for you, Kaneda! You remembered your roots. We’ll see you out there, big guy!
Point being: most people who play pinball don’t own pinball machines. It’s ok. Now get out there and play.
Work on the pinball games you have
Chances are if you’re complaining about pinball prices it means you already own pinball games. Well you squeaky wheeled motherfuckers need to just log off, get back down in the basement, and put some pin stadium lights on your shit and shut the fuck up for half a second. The rest of us are trying to be adults here.
Just kidding y’all, but honestly. Take that frustration and use it for good. Stop putting off fixing that weird subway problem on your Addams Family or whatever y’all do for fun. I have a buddy who is like this. He’s like the model pinball machine owner. V aspirational.
He owns a buncha games and you know what he spends most of his time doing? Fixing up his games. You know what else? He isn’t big mad on Facebook groups. The effect? He seems way more happy and way less internet mad than the average pinsider.
But at the same time, I mean, you do you. Nudge is definitely an internet mad publication, so I guess I can’t really throw stones here. My bad, y’all. Fair dude, totally fair. Cool cool cool. Good talk, good talk.
Start yet another podcast/youtube series
Real talk: are there as many podcasters in the pinball community as there are pinballers? It’s gotta be like a 1:2 ratio at most. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. God knows papa needs something to keep his over-anxious brain occupied while he’s driving at breakneck speeds in rush hour traffic so he can make it in 45 minutes to the ONLY SHADOW MACHINE IN METRO DETROIT. SHIT. At the same time, it’s sorta hard to keep track of y’all. There are a couple I really dig on TPN.
I’ll be the first to say I’m a Zach Meny honk. He does it for me. He seems like a guy you’d want to be friends with — which already beats 75% of pinball media personalities, present company INCLUDED. I can’t help it, this is just how I am. Zach is maybe the only guy in pinball who doesn’t spend all that much of his time being publicly upset by pinball prices. Is he a distributor? Yes. Does that influence him? *shrugs* I don’t really care and probably neither should you! No one wants someone else looking in their wallet. I’ve lost some CHOICE Subway giftcards that way.
Point being: if you’re gonna complain about pinball, you might as well be screaming it out into the vast uncaring internet just like everyone else. Maybe you’ll get a follower! Then another, and another. Eventually you will wield enough power to, uh, organize a tournament? Get a couple drink tix? I’m gonna be honest and say that’s about where the power will probably end for you. Unless you’re Zach Meny. Boy that guy is likeable.
