Pinball Ramp Deathmatch: Wireform VS Plastic

Two Ramps Enter, ONLY ONE LEAVES

Ramps are the shit. Right? For me, it’s the most satisfying shot in pinball, followed closely by a spinner rip. God help me do I have nothing but respect for you if your favorite pinball move is cradling after hitting yet another drop target, but like -- ramps are sexy as hell. The way that momentum carries the shot back to a clean feed on a flipper? And if you start comboing that shit? Wooooooo baby. We gotta slow things down.

That’s how much I like ramps. My love of The Shadow is (too?) well documented at this point, but I’ll also jam on Star Wars. Whatevs. Give me that perfect Elwin day when I can hit a million ramps in a row. That’s what my afterlife will be. Close the bar around me, put the chairs up, turn the lights off -- I’ll still be there, gently hitting ramp after ramp when they come in to mop at 5:30.

That said, I do have preferences, and there’s a very visceral difference between hitting a wire form ramp vs. a plastic ramp. Don’t know what we’re talking about? It’s ok. I’m about to explain it in a very non-offensive way below. ‘

Wireform ramps

There’s something extremely visceral and sexy when you hit a metal ramp and get that smooth wire form return. I mean, it’s metal on metal. Just slidin’ around. Wireform ramps are what they sound like, wire twisted into the shape of ball returns. They’re still used in a lot of modern games (BKSOR), but felt like they had their heyday in the 1990s with Bally Williams games, when budget constraints were less of a problem. Notably, my fave, The Shadow has TWO, count ‘em TWO wireform ramps (which is how we’re gonna refer to them, so if you’re butt hurt on the oversimplified shorthand just plz don’t email me. Plz plz plz.)

Plastic Ramps

Plastic ramps are fast as hell, and smooth. Like, almost supernaturally smooth. Sure, they’re cheaper -- but they feel expensive, you know? They give you clean feeds without losing anything off the ball, which can lead to some ridiculous combos on games like Star Trek, Star Wars Pro, or Creature from the Black Lagoon. They’re also clear -- which makes a difference.

So which pinball ramp is better?

Hold your horses, you fricking nut. The bloodlust! Just ready to go and orphan one of these poor ramp’s families. Yeah, they’re BOTH single parents. Think about that for a second. The point is that there are merits to both types of ramps. In another, less dualistic society, we wouldn’t have to rate these things or phrase them as “better” or “worse.” Unfortunately for us, that’s not the world we live in. This world is a dog-eat-dog bloodbath where even the strong eventually won’t survive. Bummer, right? Well anyway, on to the pinball ramps!

Why plastic ramps are better

Look, plastic ramps are big, sweeping, dramatic moments. They feel epic. The ball can make these huge inclines without slowing down, noiselessly firing at warp speeds to an impossibly fast return. Like, that’s dope shit. We said that they feel expensive before, and you get what I mean -- right? Like they just give pinball this classy, modern, slick feeling. It’s like how music is mixed now. Plastic ramps feel the way windex smells. It’s amazing, kinda refreshing, but also maybe a little soulless?

Why wireform ramps are better

When I asked this question to people I know, Wireform ramps were almost universally picked by those who work in the pinball industry, operators, and the techs who service games. I mean, they’re wireform. They’re hearty. They’re built to last. They’re not gonna crack after a hundred plays, or shift every time you hit the ramp wrong. These fuckers take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’.

The feel of a wireform return? It’s good. It’s satisfying. It can feel kinda old-timey, sure. But who cares? Pot pies are old-timey, and I love eating those things. Plus, if we’re talking cost -- these are the ACTUALLY expensive ones. Why? Because they’re built from quality materials, not, well, plastic. So let’s break it down.

Aesthetics

Plastic ramps are clear. It’s easier to see the ball. Wireform returns look cool, but they also remind me of something people who love steam punk would be into. That’s a huge negative. Outcome: PLASTIC

Sexiness

“That sound. Metal on metal. Sexy as fuck.” was a reply that I got from someone who works in the industry when I asked folks for preferences. This is exactly right. There’s nothing that sexy about plastic that isn’t infinitely sexier when it’s steel. Outcome: WIREFORM

Tactile sensation

*Nothing cooler and sexier than this guy flying in hot.*

Speaking of sexiness. When you’re humming along on the plastic ramps in stranger things, it does feel pretty nice. That said, it’s nothing compared to the clickity-clack ramps on Godzilla. Sorry, Brian Eddy. Luh you. Outcome: Wireform

Speed

There’s no contest here. Plastic ramps are fast as hell. Outcome: Plastic

Drama

We’ve already covered the high drama of the rollercoaster-style ramps in games like Mandalorian. That said, Wireform has some high drama ramp shit going on too (we’re looking at you, Avengers. Is Keith Elwin singlehandedly keeping the wireform on top?) Outcome: draw

Diverters

This is where we separate the wheat from the fuckin’ chaff. Wireform ramps can have DIVERTERS. These are lil’ mechs that let you choose which flipper your ball is returned to AND THEY RULE. Most recently used in the impossibly hard Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles game and MOST FAMOUSLY IN THE GREATEST PINBALL GAME OF ALL TIME, THE SHADOW.

WINNER: WIREFORMS, WIREFORMS WIN. HALLELUJAH, WIREFORMS WINNNNNN