Pinball Drive Times: How Far is TOO Far

There’s a recurring pinball argument I have with Jason from the Pinball Party podcast. We both, weirdly enough, live in the same medium-small Wisconsin town (total population 69,421. Not joking.) He insists that we live in a “pinball desert” because we don’t have a ton of options for pinball. He says we live far away from good arcades and the people here don’t take good care of their games, etc etc. Some of this is def valid criticism. But, I’d argue for the court, some of it is also just Jason being a widdle baby. I say this with love. BUT

We have two arcades in town. They’re both full of playable, fun games. And if I want to get some time on the new hotness, it’s just a scorching 82 mph drive on I94 for an hour to Bad Penny in St. Paul, a little further for Litt. For my money, and I’ve lived all over, two of the best arcades in the game. But here’s the thing: I recognize the dopeness in my life. I’ve always had partners who understand my weird obsession to drive 45 minutes one-way to play The Shadow at a terrible Sports Bar in Detroit.

Some people don’t have time for that. It got me thinking, how far is TOO far for pinball?

DISCLAIMER: I know some folks are like, RURAL rural who read Nudge. Just gonna say right now: this article is going to piss you off. Sorry! But at least you can take solace in the fact that you’ll be alive when all the shit finally does hit the fan. You and your Star Wars pro. 

For the one game you NEED to play: an hour

Look, sometimes you JUST NEED to play a specific game. For me it was initially The Shadow, but lately, it’s been Elvira’s House of Horrors. So how far am I willing to go? I’d say about an hour. For me, this is pushing the limit every time I go to Bad Penny, but I also sort of enjoy that drive, so to each their own on that one. 

An hour represents a sane amount of time. You can log into your work Zoom tomorrow and tell your coworkers that you drove an hour to play a pinball machine and they’ll still think of you as a normal human. Now if you say two hours? Three? Well, let’s just say you’re going on a watch list alongside that includes that astronaut that did the diaper road trip. Remember that one? Yeah, that’s you now.

Keep it to an hour. If the game you love is further than that, you’ll just have to make it a long-distance relationship and see each other on weekends and holidays. But you’ll have to bundle that visit with some other stuff because…

For a ridic arcade: 3 hours

Arcades are sacred spaces, but some are more sacred than others. I’m willing to admit I’ve broken this rule many, many times. Especially for Logan Arcade, though usually that’s also been at the same time we were down there to write a story like hanging on stream with Deadflip, or accidentally breaking my camera at expo cuz I’m a dum dum. But I think three is a sane amount of time, right? Make it a day trip kinda thing, get outta the house, eat somewhere fun, go for a walk, try not to get mugged, you get it! That’s why we have weekends, for frivolous crap like that. 

But more than three hours one way is starting to feel more daunting than fun. Unless you plan on spending the night, six or more hours of driving in one day starts to feel like a chore. If you ARE spending the night? Stay with some friends and save some bucks. It’s more fun, they probably have a pinball machine, and hell – they might even make you breakfast. 

For a pinball tournament: 8 hours

This is more for Rick Brewster and the rest of you competitive freaks. I get that chasing these IFPA tourneys won’t be as intense now that there are… uh, new rules? That’s as far as I’m willing to pay attention. More power to y’all, and I love watching y’all – but I don’t know if I’ll ever be a tourney guy. 

From what I’ve gathered the stuff y’all think is fun is like driving a really long time, waiting in lines, getting stressed about pinball, and food trucks. I can say I like the last one! But that said, I get it. You’ll be spending at least one night there, drive your lil’ hearts out. Enjoy all the beef jerky and Kwik Trip sandwiches. That’s a recipe for an impacted colon if I’ve ever seen one. 

For an Expo or REAL FUN EVENT: No limit

TPF, Expo, INDISC, etc. These are da guys you just gotta make time for. It’s awesome! All your friends are there. Who cares if you’re using your vacation time for stuff like this while other people are like, going to Costa Rica and having spiritual awakenings with mali and shit. You’re the kinda person who’s gonna sit back, relax, and play some meteor in a giant convention space with a bunch of other goofballs. 

Hell yeah. Own that shit. Just don’t be surprised when your coworkers all chip in for a BetterHelp therapy gift certificate to sort some stuff out. That’s what we in the pinball industry call, “a win-win.” See ya later, you freaks.