STERNFLUENCERS! Nudge Crashes Stern Media Day

Whatever credibility Nudge has as a brand (BARF) is because of our authenticity. What you see is what you get. Unfortunately, for you that means you see a guy in his thirties who still smokes weed all the time, makes stupid jokes, and is obsessed with pinball. While those qualities might make me less attractive to potential romantic partners and job providers, they evidently made me MORE attractive to one group of people: Stern Pinball. I’m not going to assume y’all know the context of this, but the short story is that Stern felt the need to get a bunch of pinball media together, open up the factory, and answer some of our questions. The even shorter version: Yes, I was one of the Stern 10, the Sternfluencers, Shillgate, Shillapalooza, or whatever goofy nickname Kaneda wants to label us.

Why did Stern invite pinball media in the first place?

That’s one of the biggest questions I’ve been fielding from folks about this trip. I’ll tell you what I’ve told them, I don’t know why they asked us to come.

It’s not like my door blew open and the head of Stern marketing parachuted in and said something like, “Hey, we need to move John Wick LEs STAT — let’s gooooooo!” and then attached a cable to my belt, which whipped me into the Secret Stern Airship where I met with the rest of a top-secret crew of Pinball Media Misfits who were tasked with the TOP SECRET MISSION TO SAVE PINBALL.

From what I can tell, this was a trip about transparency. Stern felt like there was a disconnect between the community they serve and who they are as a company. That could be for a lot of reasons. Let’s be real. Times are tough. As y’all know, I’ve lost my day job (hire me) in the last month and a half — and I’m not the only one. Tons of us are struggling with joblessness, hyperinflation, and the fact that we don’t have the margins we used to even four years ago. The pinball market could very well be one of the first areas hurt pretty bad by what feels like a recession (even if no one wants to say it).

For Stern to stay successful, it has to tap new markets and foster organic growth in the markets it already has. In my mind, that’s why we were there. There wasn’t a ton of commonality with the people they picked (Kineticist, Don’s Pinball Podcast, HUP Challenge, Erika’s Pinball Journey, Arcade Matt, Pinball Profile, Knapp Arcade, Retro Ralph, Triple Drain, Hot Nudge, LoserKids, The Electric Bat). Some are podcasters, some are Youtubers, some of us are even stupid enough to start a pinball magazine in the 2020s! Wild!

But one thing we had in common was that we’d kept an open dialogue with Stern, and that they felt “safe” enough to trust us with some trade secrets. Does that make us shills? IDK, man. And to be honest, I really don’t give a fuck if you think I’m a shill. I love to play pinball; if that makes me too commercial for ya, THEN I MUST BE A GREAT ENSEMBLE MOVIE ABOUT MIDLIFE CRISIS STARRING WILLIAM HURT BECAUSE YOU CAN CALL ME THE BIG SHILL.

The Stern Factory Tour

I’m going to try and put as many photos as humanly possible in this story, but I took SO many good ones that it’s gonna be hard to include them all. That said, let’s just take it from the beginning. A very good place to start.

Stern told us to all show up at 1, so like a bunch of try-hards, we all showed up at 12:15 and put our faces up against the windows at Stern to blow raspberries until they let us all in. Zach Sharpe was the dude behind this visit, but it seemed like the entire company was behind it. As we gathered our shit together and sorta were meeting all the other content dudes for the first time, out walks Gary Stern, George Gomez, and Seth Davis.

One would say it was Willy Wonka-esque, if that IP wasn’t already taken by a rival pinball company. Anyway, George had a great little speech about how he appreciated us and gave some light rules about what we’d be saying and what we could talk about. NO, NONE OF US SIGNED NDAs. Do you think you can buy Nudge’s silence that easily? Yeah, right, ask anyone from my 7th grade’s Secret Santa party about how good I am at keeping a secret. TERRIBLE! Anyway, I didn’t pay much attention to the speech because Gary Stern was dressed exactly like his cutout (drawn by Greg Freres). I mean, even down to the loafers.

*Here’s the real Gary, hope that clears things up for you guys.*

They also outlined the day for us. It’s probably also the best way for us to break down this article, so let’s talk about it. Basically we had:

The Factory Floor Tour - (sans prototype room)
George Gomez Tells us Every Pinball Secret (in a conference room)
Tim and Elliot’s Wick-Stravaganza
Scarfing Za with the Stern Dudes
The Worst Idea: All You Can Drink at Logan Arcade
Stern AFTER DARK
Some Goofenbachers make a frickin’ podcast

I reserve the right to move some shit around if I feel like it, but this does seem like the best way in.

Stern Factory Floor Tour

I’m not going to front like I know everything that goes into making a pinball machine after this tour, but that’s not Stern’s fault. It takes a lot to peep through the heavy THC fog that clouds my brain, but we did have Stern’s absolute POWERHOUSE of a tour guide: Dwight Sullivan. Most of y’all know Dwight from his work coding the rulesets to some of your favorite games: from classics like Highspeed II: The Getaway to modern bangers like The Mandalorian and Ghostbusters.

I love Dwight. He’s funny, doesn’t suffer fools, and (most importantly) really fucking loves pinball. It was cool to hear this history from someone who isn’t just actively participating in it, but is still FLOORED by it. Dwight’s maybe the most animated tour guide I’ve ever had, and I’m a man who once went on the Jaws ride at Universal Studios twice just because I had a crush on the person who blew up the shark at the end of the ride. Dwight has that same kind of raw animal magnetism, and he didn’t even have a rocket launcher like the other person! He’s also weirdly expressive in pictures, so let’s peep some of those.

The many moods of Dwight Sullivan on the Stern Tour

*Putting the Stern in Stern. I wanna change this to Black and White and make it a hardcore album cover.*

Informative. This is Dwight calmly telling us about the famous Hannifin Press, which has been used to make pinball since back in the 1950s for Gottlieb. Supposedly it’s been an integral piece in the creation of 100s of thousands of pinball machines. Just like Dwight!

*In repose. Dwight telling coworkers, “I’m actually still not sure what you do here.”*

*Ecstasy. I joined the Church of Dwight shortly thereafter.*

For real, it was a dope tour. We were surrounded by Stern Employees, which was cool. I think they were there to answer our questions and also to make sure we didn’t wander off and try and scoop any thing we weren’t supposed to (LOOKING AT YOU, JASON KNAPP). This culminated on one moment when we were about to go to a metalworking room and Jack Danger suddenly said “OH CRAP” and ran inside to grab all his mechs from his new game. That was cool and funny. Stars! They’re just like us (a lil’ scatterbrained sometimes)!

*The orignal Stern Employee (Gary) and a relatively new hire (Kyle)*

The Stern microwave wall was one of the most famous features in the old building, and it has since made the journey into the new facility. Here you see 22 microwaves for folks to use on their lunchbreak for heinous burritos, hot pockets, and cup o soups. If only these microwaves could talk, you’d see how hard these guys’ colons really have it! One thing to notice: the wiring on these things is top notch. Look at how beautiful and organized, it looks like a board. Engineers work here.

*John Borg, one of the coolest MFers on the planet. A homemade mod for the famous* *DRI374 shirt* *which now features new designer, Elliot Eisman.*

*The LE “Stained Glass” backglass. This thing does look awesome in person. Note: This person’s hand was immediately cut off after this (for touching).*

These guys do the real work. Seriously, every unit is HAND assembled. Think about that, absolutely wild. I’m sure these guys were just waiting for us to get the hell outta there so they can work without some goofy-ass getting in their way with his direct flash, taking their pics.

George Gomez Tells us every pinball secret

*I don’t think this board holds any secrets, OR DOES IT??*

So, after all this, we go into this conference room and George Gomez has a power point presentation ready for us. I can only speculate as to why they wanted to do this, but George went into every hot button topic in pinball these days; pinball prices, licensor issues, and why it takes so long to get your games. They addressed some of the past controversies and even gave us some stories that we aren’t supposed to repeat: AND GUESS WHAT I WON’T!

That said, it was really good to hear someone in power talk about stuff that the pinball community takes so seriously. This wasn’t just George either, Seth Davis and Gary sat through the whole meeting too, giving insight and telling funny stories. I know this is maybe weird to say, but I was actually surprised at how much personality Seth had. Dude was actually super friendly and open, especially for a former Disney guy! He laughed A LOT, but also got pretty serious when talking about the sale of games. One thing I remember him saying about the game buying process: It has to get easier. I think that he means stuff like learning about the games, to purchasing, to setting them up, etc. Go to Knapp or the Loserkids pod if you wanna hear the deets on this stuff. They did a great job covering it and tbh my bladder was busting by the end of it, so I was a lil’ checked out until WICK

We weren’t allowed to take pics in this part. So THE END.

Tim Fuckin’ Sexton and Elliot Eisman’s Wickstravaganza

One of the main reasons we were there was to talk about John Wick pinball. The discourse around this game has been frustrating for me to say the least. First there was “Gun-gate” which mainly consisted of a bunch of grown men throwing a hissy-fit because there weren’t enough guns on the playfield. THEN it’s been talking about how we aren’t “getting” enough game at the price point. While I can’t speak to that second thing (everyone’s tolerance for that is different. I mean, I play every new game for the price of a buck a play, so I don’t buy people saying pinball is too expensive), I can say that there is PLENTY of gunplay in Wick.

Lead designer, Elliot Eisman and coder Tim Fuckin’ Sexton walked us through some of the intricacies of the new and upcoming code. The coolest feature was when Tim Fuckin’ Sexton showed us the new capabilities of Stern’s lit speaker grills. The best way to describe it? Overwhelming. Basically, any time John Wick fires a gun on-screen, it is paired with a white flash from the speaker lights and a deep rumbling gunshot augmented by the shaker motor. The results were absolutely insane. It literally feels like you’re being shot, but you know, without the bleeding and dying part.

This all happened in Stern’s new streaming room. Something they’re calling “pinball alley” which consists of a bar made of old playfields, a tv and couch (IDK why either), and a TON of Stern pinball games. I think this is gonna be their hangout/demo room, and in that capacity it absolutely slaps. With about 12 of us jamming on the games alongside stern programmers and designers, it felt less like a formal demo than a hang-out sesh. Which, you know me, I’m always down for the hang. Especially when it comes with unlimited diet cokes.

*Here’s Colin of the Kineticist getting a score not nearly as high as mine*

My impressions of Elliot Eisman? A really, sweet and thoughtful dude. Yes, he’s quiet. You know who else is pretty quiet? A lil’ dude named KEITH ELWIN. Elliot didn’t mention this, but it has to be a bit disappointing for him to absolutely knock this game out of the park (for real, this game is fun AF) and have the discourse all be about stuff that isn’t actually a critique of the game. That said, he seemed totally upbeat and positive. He politely answered all my questions and was obviously proud of the work they’ve all done.

Pizza with the Sterners

At this point, my bladder was literally bursting. LITERALLY. I peed the longest pee of my life and when I came back there was a bunch of Chicago staples, pizza from Lou Malnatti’s and Portillo’s hotdogs on conference tables. Evidently there is a big internal debate about what Chicago deep dish restaurant is best. I spent most of this time hanging with Brian Eddy. It’s still wild to me that I get to chat and hang out with the dudes who made some of my all time favorite games — but at this point Brian is a friend. So is Jack Danger, so are tons of the folks that work at Stern. It’s easy to see why: I’m a shill!

All I can say is this: Just know that these guys are also part of the pinball community. When you trash their stuff, rightly or wrongly, they hear it! Sometimes that means valid criticism (cool) but sometimes it means complaining about bullshit (not cool). After filling us full of food that would back up my colon until an hour before writing this sentence, they hustled us all into a party bus to go to the Chicago pinball mecca: Logan Arcade

All You Can Drink at Logan Arcade

*Here is Cale Hernandez of The Electric Bat falling prey to the deadliest of all diseases: peer pressure*

Y’all know Logan Arcade, so I’m not going to over-explain it here. This was definitely the highlight of the entire day for me. Why? Cuz I’m not one of those pinball newsbreakers like the Kineticist or Knapp Arcade where I reeeeeeeally care about the new game coming out. For me, I want to hear stories about how pinball affects the people who make it. Like how it changes their lives. That’s what I got here. Literally Gary Stern and Seth hung out until we left. And not just those guys, Jack Danger, Keith Elwin, and a whole slew of folks were there flippin’ pins, drinkin’, and doing the chicago thing where you kill your liver and heart at the same time.

Logan always has a streaming rig set up in front for free play. Of course it was John Wick and of course we had to play it. I just love the shimmering curtain they keep it behind. Made it feel SO tawdry.

ASIDE: Why is Bonebusters so popular with these weirdos?

But before we get to that. Let’s talk about how much two of these sick fucks have a weird obsession with BONEBUSTERS. I went to the back room at Logan and found Jack Danger and Kyle S. of Stern absolutely FAUNING over this machine. I’m not unfamiliar with Bonebusters, a title made by Gottlieb in the 1980s that gambled on the fact that people wouldn’t realize that they were playing a game based on off-brand Ghostbusters with bushy Chicago mustaches and an absolutely insane layout. I play this pretty regularly at a local arcade, and I must say it’s almost always a terrible experience.

These dudes treated it more like a lost work of art. That, plus the Logan crew keeping their games in immaculate condition meant that I actually DID appreciate it by the end of my time playing it — even if the GI is still so bad and gottlieb flippers make me want to barf. OK, here then is a photo essay of bonebusters in four parts.

So there you have it. Bonebusters

George Gomez is the man

This is already so long, but I’m just going to share my George Gomez story. It was towards the end of the night, and Retro Ralph and I were dying to talk to the dude. I mean, he invented Tron and Spy Hunter for Chrissakes. We ended up having a really heartfelt conversation. I asked George why he didn’t make missiles for Raytheon or some other obvious financial application that would make a genius like him rich — instead of making toys for his whole life. Instead of answering the question, he told me his origin story. While, I can’t say that this is a direct quote (my recorder wasn’t on), I’m going to write it in his voice because it makes more sense in my mind that way. George, if I got this wrong — well, you get what you pay for.

My family are immigrants from Cuba. When I was about three years old, we moved from Cuba to Miami, then in third grade we moved to Chicago. I grew up there, played all the games, loved it. Eventually, I grew up and went to college. After getting a design degree, my mother told me I absolutely NEEDED to find a job, so she sent me to a headhunter to see if they could place me somewhere.

After looking at my portfolio, this guy was a little perplexed. He said, “I don’t know where to put you — where would you want to work?”

So I said Bally. I didn’t think anything would happen with it, he didn’t have any connections there, but he was going to try.

He called me the next day and said, “I don’t know how I did it, but they want to bring you in for an interview. The guy interviewing you is out for two weeks on sales calls though, so use that time to get ready.”

I looked at my design portfolio and realized it wasn’t very good, so I took those two weeks and went to every arcade in the Chicago area. I started to think about the Bally designs and how I might redesign them in my style. That became the portfolio that I brought with me to that first interview.

So I went to the meeting and the first person is just some HR guy who doesn’t know much about design, but as soon as he sees my portfolio, he grabs an engineer from Bally and pulls them into the room. That guy is impressed, but doesn’t say much, he just gets HIS boss and brings him in. This happens three or four times until I’m talking to the head of engineering at Bally. He looks at my portfolio and says, “let’s take a walk.”

We toured the factory and talked for a long time, by the end of that walk I had the job. I moved out of my parents house by 4 pm. My mom was upset, she said, “I just wanted you to get a job! I didn’t want you to move out!” but of course I couldn’t wait to move out.

Damn. What a baller.

The wrap up: Stern After Hours

Eventually, Gary piled us all into the back of the party bus (no stripper pole, which evidently was hard to find. Almost all party buses have stripper poles these days.) and sent us packing. Instead of going directly to the hotel, a bunch of us came up with a flimsy excuse to get back inside and play more wick. That’s right, true wet dream for me: an after hours Stern play-sesh. We played for another almost TWO HOURS until the cleaning ladies kicked us out.

*Ur boi at the top of the leader board for the entire event. Sorry, Don. Maybe next time :)*

Some of the other goofenbachers from the crew went back to record a podcast. That felt like a suicide mission to me, so I basically just watched — except for when Jason Knapp said I was gonna “pass out from my weed pen” which got me a little riled so I said, “Bitch, I do this like nine times a day!” This ultimately shows the biggest difference between Knapp and Nudge. Some of us are info-crazed corporate espionage cool guys, and others of us are big ole stoners who like to play pinball.

K, I’m tired of writing. But yeah — t’was a helluva event. My voice was down like three octaves the next day, proof of a helluva trip. So Stern, any time ya wanna bring us in? I’m ready, baby. (falls asleep )