How I discovered myself while reading the pinside thread “Why Are Men Better Than Women at Pinball?”

Just like many women in their 20s, I’m on a journey of self discovery. Though, it wasn’t quitting my day job or live, laugh, loving on a food tour of Italy that transformed me into my divine feminine form. Alas, it was absent-mindedly stumbling across HEAD_boss_HOG’s poll on pinside that shattered everything I thought I knew about myself and my womanhood. I went on the forum to read conspiracy theories about Insider Connected, and left with an updated version of introspective understanding. Ladies and gentlemen and everyone in between, brace yourselves for this life shattering experience - SCIENTIFICALLY enlightening - led by the men of pinside. Curious as to what I mean? Let us venture forth, dear reader. 

“Your Opinion, WITH POLL !!!” LOL

If there’s anything we’ve learned from science, it’s that men have big ole fat brains

“Men's brains are larger, it is science.” - WOODY76

Woof, WOODY76, a lot to unpack here. First off, that a large brain means… what? That you’re smarter? Better at math? Better at understanding ‘higher score = good game’? Tooooootally. Totally, totally, totally. That IS some pretty advanced stuff. I mean, you can’t argue with that -- after all, it’s science. I guess my tiny brain couldn’t figure out what my score ever meant. Unless, of course, it was mansplained to me.

But then I kept reading -- and it seemed like maybe there wasn’t a consensus on this topic. Were men themselves not actually sure? Because if THEY couldn’t figure it out, what chance do WE have? Maybe it was just my pea-sized brain, but I was confused. It was only mere moments before this assumption was challenged by another pinside member.

“Think about it a minute.

Men use wheelbarrows. Hand trucks. Chainsaws.

All require two hands out front.

Hitching a horse to ride. Holding reins to plow with a mule.

You kind of hold the reins on a pinball machine after hitching yourself to it.

Riding a motorcycle. Controls on the right and left, steering it with nudges.”
- phil-lee

You know what, phil-lee from pinside, I did think about it -- and you’re absolutely right. Nothing closer to using a chainsaw than a pinball machine. I think the line, “holding reins to plow with a mule”, needs more attention here. Do y’all have tournaments in the ancient city of Xanchior that aren’t jousting? Do you let women play? Is there a buttermilk kegger contest? I’ve been diagnosed as being lactose super-tolerant, so I’m willing to bet 500 gold that I can give you neckbeard wahoos a run for your money. I’m assuming that goes a long way 1000 years ago. 

Secondly, I thought back to all of the times I had seen women and other femmes pushing wheelbarrows, riding motorcycles, and doing other tasks that, well, required two hands. Had I hallucinated? I probably had. After all, there’s absolutely no evidence of a woman riding a horse ever in the history of the world. Everyone knows that! It’s science.

“I think this is an evolutionary thing, even though I don't believe in evolution. Carry on!” phil-lee

I mean, I have to admit I admire the ego it takes to say women are the product of something that you later discount in the exact same sentence. Let me say that again: THE SAME SENTENCE. Fine. It’s probably my fault that I’m so bewildered to see someone confidently argue that his evidence pointed to an answer that he doesn’t believe in. My brain can barely handle getting a billion on Star Wars, so it’s not really a surprise that I can’t follow your 4D chess logic.

Deeper, darker into the thread we go

It was at this point that things began to unravel for me. My theory of the world and logic was certainly beginning to crumble. Though having full faith that my SUPER SMART MEN ON PINSIDE would carry my decidedly feminine brain to a conclusion that made sense. I continued. 

“In the poll I voted because we can nudge better, because while my girlfriend loves playing pinball, she constantly complains that she can just not move the machine like I can.” - JohnnyPinball007

It shocked me to learn that JohnnyPinball007’s girlfriend was every woman ever -- but it shouldn’t have. I felt so stupid. How could I not see this? We DO always react the same way to pinball. Turns out another man’s girlfriend must also be a clone. I always had the feeling that something like this was true. That we are all just genetic templates, like the clones of bounty hunter Jango Fett from Star Wars. 

A bitchy aside to JohnnyPinball007 because I just can’t help myself sometimes: How hard are you rockin’ that nudge, my guy? Stop humping that machine. You’re just whipping that thing like nobody’s biz! Anyway, that’s not why we’re here -- though I’d say you should watch some Tilt TV tutorials if you’re looking to, you know, get a nudge that actually works.  Moving on. 

“I had a girlfriend once who was into guy stuff that I wasn't, like rebuilding car engines in her living room. It was weird. More of a guy thing.”

- DanQverymuch

After reading that I remember thinking, if I like Star Wars, does that make me weird? Asking you, DanQverymuch. Seems like more of a guy thing. You know, because of the dirt on the spaceships and whatnot. Anyways, I’m getting off track. Not surprised, considering men are better at focusing. I learned that recently. I also learned…

“Women generally don't like competition.” - Knxwledge

Again, this article is about self discovery. Tearing down what I thought I knew about myself…generally. I presumed … generally… that I enjoyed competing. But if not, then why did I become a league player? I hope to find the answer some day on this continued journey of finding myself through pinside. Though maybe it’s just one of those answers that I won’t get until I die and go to heaven and God (white man God) can explain it out to me. Who can say? 

My journey was coming to an end. I felt like I had learned so much, but then Cnuts13 came in off the top rope with one more gem:

“There are very few things in this world where women can compete with men competitively. Look at chess. Video games. Magic of the gathering. Women just arent competitive. Competition is the mans world” - Cnuts13

“Competition is the mans world.” Boy, when you’ve said it like that, you’ve really said it all. Magic of the gathering? Magic of the gathering? I always thought it was Magic: The Gathering. Stupid, but I guess it serves me right for liking a guy thing. I had no idea how much I would learn from this thread. Now, I am left to pick up the pieces. They say growth is uncomfortable. Now I truly understand. Thank you, men, for explaining to me what I could never understand myself. I just hope I don’t accidentally fall in love with you, you know, because of all the insight.