Houston We Have a Problem: Sex, Drugs and Flipper Abuse at the TWIPYS
By the time you read this, the TWIPYs will have been at least five days ago. The problem with us covering award show stuff really boils down to two things.
I think awards are stupid and make people feel bad or drive them crazy with ego mania.
Award show content (shudders) ages really shittily. Like milk on a Houston highway. And trust me, I saw all kindsa stuff just strewn about the highway there. Last time there was a ladder, this time I saw a Christmas tree. For real. In February. Right there in the middle of the highway.
But that said, we took this trip, we were there, we played a lot of pinball, and GOD DAMN IT THE CONTENT MACHINE MUST CHURN ON AND ON AND ON. Plus, as has been noted before, people like these travel pieces. I’m not exactly sure why, but I also like doing them so for once we’re in agreement, everybody. Unlike some of you unnamed sickos and your disgusting Bonebusters predelictions. And I use that word with the full creepiness it embodies. You guys are gross.
They play a lot of damn pinball in Tejas
The last time I was in Houston was for their Arcade expo. You can read all about it in Nudge 5. But the one thing I learned last time: these people party hard. I knew going in that I’d need to pace myself, grab some lozenges and drink a buncha water. Guess what? None of that helped. They still ground me into dust. You know that scene at the beginning of Terminator where it shows everyone’s face getting blown off by an A-bomb? That’s basically what happened to me from all the pinball partying. I’m just a destroyed face. A skull that a robot is gonna crush. That’s how good the pinball was.
My boy Donovan looking hard as hell.
I got in right in time for the tournament at Eureka Heights. It was a good way to see everybody right away. There were pinball stalwarts like Erin and Mark Seiden, the latter being a JJP pinball designer (Avatar) and the former being a writer for a totally righteous pinball pub (Nudge). They’re two of the friendliest pinball in pinball, but even in spite of that we manage to get along really well. But yeah, it was a regular cavalcade of pinfluencers and industry folks — plus a shitload of normal Houston pinheads who just wanted to have fun and kick ass on the ridiculous lineup of games they have.
Mark Seiden’s piercing gaze is enough to make THIS pinfluencer blush.
Honestly, a huge highlight is to reconnect with a buncha the content creator people who I only see a few times a year. Retro Ralph and Mason Conrad were there, Rebecca Salam of Fliptronic, Jamie, Erin and the rest of the Wormhole Crew — this is the most hilarious namedropping list to 99.99% of the population, including the people who read this email, but it was awesome to see them.
Fliptronic’s queen of insane 3D printed trophies.
One thing I’ll say: it’s hard to do tournaments in other people’s cities. I take for granted how much I know the games in my own city. Not just rulesets, but how they play. It was super tough to just jump into some of these games especially at the Wormhole. Luckily for me, Eureka Heights has a lot of new Sterns. I played unevenly. I was sorta tired from the flight and sucking non-stop on my THC vape, but ended up 9th outta like 40? I coulda been in the top 8, but I fucked up a tiebreak and lost by 100k points in a one ball playoff on STRANGER THINGS. But hey, am I bitter? Not at fucking all.
These guys just doing their jobs and definitely not in a giant conspiracy to make my life shit by putting me in a 1 ball playoff on STRANGER THINGS.
Barrels of Fun Factory Tour: NDAs to meet ya!
Truth in everything
Nothing like getting up early to go on a factory tour, but that’s what everybody wanted and so into the car I piled. Barrels of Fun is Houston’s only pinball manufacturer, the dudes behind the surprise smash hit of last year, Labyrinth. A deeply vibey game with great art from our boi Johnny Crap, it’s got a fun ruleset, crazy theme integration, and a really interesting layout. They’re about to release game 2 and had us all sign NDAs so people were psyched on game reveal. Well let me tell you dear reader, it didn’t happen.
That’s cool. I really don’t care about breaking news at all. I write stories about people, and as far as that goes Barrels of Fun rules. The two dudes in charge, Brian and David obviously care a ton about the art that goes into each project. I say project and not product, because it’s really apparent that love and care goes into these games. Plus they fed us a shitload of BBQ. That’s called culture, and I hope all pinball companies adopt it in the future. Seriously, I came back 15 pounds heavier and it was all Texas BBQ and peanutbutter M&Ms.
Barrels of Fun Meat Bois™
But nope, no new game. They told us that they didn’t want to show it until it’s ready. And you know what? Respect. Scoop this.
TWIPYS: A night of Winners and Giant Losers
All that hardware
As previously stated, I’m not a huge award show guy. I just think that it’s a weird way to quantify art, but at the same time — people sorta like going to them. They like getting dressed up. They like taking home little thingies. It’s like a pinball tournament, but more boring and the lights are brighter. When Jamie asked me to be a “sideline reporter” I said hell yeah. Basically it was my job to interview folks and make fun of shit and not take things too seriously. In that end, I can say mission fucking accomplished.
Portrait of the artist as a streaming dipshit
Did we have technical difficulties? IDK, do you call a city-wide internet outtage a technical difficulty? I felt pretty bad for Jamie from Wormhole having to deal with a ton of stuff while also having to be on camera. They gave me a mic which was hooked up the entire time, so I basically provided Mystery Science Theater style commentary on the whole thing and kept the crowd in it while we fixed stuff. Did it work? Depends who you ask. Don’t ask Kaneda.
These three are demonstrating the various stages of grief when meeting me
Overall it went really well. There were a buncha viral moments. All the winners who zoomed in were fun: Reby Hardy, Cary Hardy, The Hardy Boys, Hardee’s the restaurant, etc. Jamie kept ‘er moving. I got a couple good ones off including getting to announce the category that I knew I was losing to Knapp Arcade. I talked a bunch about how much something like this would mean to me, how it’d really turn my life around if I finally won — then opened it and read Knapp Arcade. Another dream come true.
Shouts to the taco crew going all night
But obviously the best part was when the whole thing was over and we could play some games. Jamie made us leave super early because we had to be at a tournament at the Wormhole at 8:30 AM the next morning, which I think is an an absolutely insanely abusive thing to do to yourself, but no one booed him. OK, one person booed him. I booed him.
Right before that dickhead, Jamie turned the lights off.
But anyway, yeah. It kept going and going but I’m tired AF. I’m gonna leave you with one of my favorite images from the whole weekend. There were these two kids all dressed up, blowing bubbles and smoking the whole weekend. Every time I went out to have a J, they were out there blowing bubbles. When I asked why bubbles, they said “Everybody loves bubbles.” Word.
