Hey! Who’s THAT cool pinball freak? How to pinball alone

It’s come to our attention that the world of the lone pinballer is under attack. Noted punk “personality,” pot-stirrer, and twitch streamer, Cliff Albert recently posted in the Pinball Enthusiasts Facebook page, “Fact: Tournament/competition pinball is so much better than any other sect of pinball.” 

With respect to that giant streamin’ goofball with the weird hair, we hear this a lot from tournament players. Like you’re not a real pinballer if you don’t have an IFPA ranking. Like you’re not a real pinballer if you don’t have a league win notched in your belt. Like you’re not a real pinballer if you don’t have six in your basement. Well, respectfully, we’d like to push back against those prejudices.

Let’s get this out of the way: WE ARE NOT SAYING TOURNAMENTS AREN’T COOL. Obviously, tournament pinball rules. Get your head out of your ass. So do league nights. That’s the point. If it gets people out and excited and goofing off then we’re all for it. That makes pinball stronger. Fucking get to your nonsense done any way you can. 

But yes, that includes pinballing alone. In bars, in weird bowling alleys, or in strip malls with hallways that smell like gyro meat. Because you know what? Lone pinball playing is fun. It’s an adventure. Unlike sex, fancy restaurants, and shotgunning beers, pinball isn’t an activity that gets a whole bunch more lame and sad when you do it by yourself. 

Cultivate your persona. 

Is there something just a little sad about a person playing pinball by themselves? We do this a lot. It’s OK to say it: yes. But also, embrace that freak energy. Yeah, you’re the one the rest of the bar talks about. Who are you? What’s your story? Why do you come in from 5:30-7:30 and rock the shit out of a Flinstone’s machine while slugging diet cokes and high lifes?  

That’s the kinda mysterious presence you wanna leave. Cultivate your image. Who are you? Angry, intense table shaker? Paranoid stoner? Overly polite coke refill abuser? We’re looking for consistency here. Maybe wear a cowboy hat? Just spitballing.

Get out of your house. The heated garage doesn’t count

I can see why you’d never wanna leave your palatial estate.

Look, respect to home pinballers. I hope to be one of you someday. That said, lone pinballing doesn’t mean doing it in your house. If you can do it in your underwear, it’s kinda the cheap way out. I don’t doubt that this isn’t its own brand of meditation, but we want to encourage people out there to experience the world. Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean you’re isolated. Depending on the place you’re playing, you’ve joined a teeming ecosystem of drunk, high, and desperate people just looking for a little fun in life. That’s great!

Meet the people in your bar. They’re cool and funny and sad and weird. I just had this experience the other day at the place where I play Black Knight all the time. This guy told me about how he ran over his dog on accident and broke its leg, so now he gets her a burger patty every week as a treat, even though she’s healed up now. He gives me an update every week.

See? If we hadn’t engaged in that conversation I wouldn’t have another brand new phobia where I have to triple check to make sure my dog isn’t behind my car before I leave. Thanks!

Spend a little money.
Even a little can go a long way.

So THAT’s where TLC put them all.

You’re by yourself. Hopefully, you’re not drinking a ton, because that seems like a bad move. If that’s the case, and you only have one or two, make sure you’re tipping extra well. Nothing crazy, but an extra buck or two on top of the one you’re giving makes a big difference. Over time, you’re gonna build up goodwill. Bartenders are the law of the land and are also the first contact with any repair person. It just makes sense to treat them well. Like, even if you can’t muster that thru basic human empathy. Just remember: GREASE THOSE WHEELS. 

A little high is OK. Too high is weird for everyone.

If you want to puff on your vape pen outside, great. Go nuts. Whatever. If you’re honking on a joint the size of a baby leg and coming in with eyes as red as the devil’s nertzack, then you’re putting everyone in an uncomfortable position. Moderation. Plus, trust us -- that weed ain’t making you play as zoned in as you think. It’s not a good look to spend 30 seconds looking for the ball plunge. 

Be zen.

Hey, you’re playing pinball and living in the moment. That’s better than 99% of anything else you could be doing. Good job. And hey, maybe you’ll make a friend. Not the guy with the dog, he’s just a little too haunting of a personality. Someone else though! Definitely!